Can Purell be used as lube?
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Randomize
