direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
