When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
I forgot wine drunk hurts
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Randomize
