I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Randomize
