Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
Just invented taco cereal.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
