It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
Randomize
