Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
Randomize
