WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
