that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize
