sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
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