I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
