I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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