Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
Randomize
