my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
What drink are we having for lunch?
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
