do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
