Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
