Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
