what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
Randomize
