Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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