he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
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