Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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