I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
Less talking, more tequila
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
