Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
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