Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
Randomize
