So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
