I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
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