I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
Randomize
