evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
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