hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
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