I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
Randomize
