Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Randomize
