meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
