Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
Randomize
