Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
Even my vagina gasped.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
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