So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
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