I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
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