All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
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