somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
