A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
I had to cum in my sink.
Randomize
