Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
i guess it's bad bediquette to quote the kool aid man
?
he said oh yeah and i responded with OHH YEAHHHHH!
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
Randomize
