how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Randomize
