Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
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