My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Randomize
