just come out here and I will go home with you...
I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
Randomize
