Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
