Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
I wish there were birth control emojis
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
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