yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
