Betty ford says i'm here all night
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
Randomize
