it's too hot outside to masturbate.
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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