Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
