i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
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