Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
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