He asked to "fluff my boner.."
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
