yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
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