fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
Randomize
