I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
