After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
